In this lil' mind of mine.

alone or lonely

Sunday, June 28, 20092:08 AM

you know, there is a difference between being alone and being lonely. yes, there IS a difference. i think i've been alone and i think i've been lonely before. but what i understand is that now, i aint lonely at all even though i'm alone. really, Kye, you think im emo and you assume that i'm lonely. you think i aint got love so you assume i'm lonely. sorry to burst your ignorant bubble, boy.

F.Y.I.

being lonely is having no one to love and no one to offer love to you. that's lonely.

being alone is being by yourself in a crowd of a million. that's alone.
and if you're alone and lonely. why kye, @_@.... i pity you, really.

but i know i aint lonely, cause i got friends who i love and i hope i have friends who love me.
i've got a sissy family who gives me abundant annoying joy. LOL !
i've got a best friend whom i treasure, whom i hope to always be the reason for the smile on her face. and i dare say, she would do the same for me too.
I've got a bunch of steamoz whom i love dearly, tho i rarely show it. xD ain't that right guys?
i've got parents who love me and i'm sure they love me.
i've got a dog whom i love to DEATH and haha, yeah she definitely loves me. in her annoying-snuggly sort of way
and hey, Kye? i've got a God who loves me and a God i will love till the ends of the earth.

SO

is there any reason For Me to be lonely, Kye?
really, i don't think so. =D

proved you wrong didn't I,
Joleneee <3

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One more for God !

Wednesday, June 24, 20097:03 AM

ONE MORE !

for HIM !
my daughter was lost, but now is found.
welcome to the family, Zhu~
we love you !!

WHEEEEE !!

Joleneee <3

p.s. He's just so real ! Love HIM ! ><

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LAZY !

Tuesday, June 23, 20091:49 AM

LOL. i'm lazy to do update you guys on my boring 2 week holiday so... i'll just make it super brief and short. pleasing to the eyes aye, owayne? =X

i'm writing evrything in random so it's not in order but it's definitely within the two week break. enjoyy.

i went colour shopping. i'm kinda adore sesame street and looney tunes now. LOL.

i went to help out with VBS during the first week and the kids weren't that bad actually. quite bearable.

i went for my first youth cellgroup. xD!! it was SUPER ! it was kinda short and brief but definitely enlighting. i had never laughed so much for that week.

i went for a movie outing with lawrence, sean, daniel, and stephyy. 17 Again ! hillarious and a must-watch. it kinda plays with your emotions throughout the movie.

i went mythology crazy ! bought a book on greek mythology, a book on world mythology and a book on egypthology. I LOVE THEM ALL !!

My dog bit my glasses. and yes, it's in scraps. T_T

i visited mini Shanghai right here in penang. Chung Ling prefects' day had taught me to never go to China.

RC CAMP WAS FUN AND FUN AND TIRING AND HOT BUT FUN ! you get the idea, don't you? haha.

went for lunch with the Steamoz on a Saturday at Breeks. it ws great seeing all of you again. And talking to you guys seriously makes my day. =DDD

i fell in love with these FREAKING COLOURFUL ADIDAS SHOES and a PINK ADIDAS BAG and THE GOD-SENT ADIDAS WATCH !

That's all on what i did during the holz. boring huh? =(
more details on VBS coming soon...
more details on RC CAMP coming soon...
jokes about my FANTASTIC mandarin in the coming posts. it is a must read ! xD

Joleneee <3

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RECESS REVO !

Monday, June 22, 20095:30 AM

yes people, it is RECESS REVO ! and our school's cf is finally doing it. we've just started last week and the response was very good and i really hope that it continues to grow and more people would come to knw more about the Word. Ming Yen, Denise and I are greatly motivated and encouraged to carry on RECESS REVO, rain or shine! Actually, we really feel that God is really working in our school and we're almost certain that CLS will be transformed into a society of the younger generation who will Stand for God!

aihh seriously, why didn't we start this earlier?? I'll be leaving in a few months time and I'm only able to witness the early growth. T_____T

to those from CLS who wish to join in our RECESS REVO sessions, pls refer to the info below:

venue: Porch 2 / Ping pong table
time : first recess AND second recess
people in charge:

1st recess: Ming Yen and Denise

2nd recess: JoLene and Theresa

we will be there the minute the school bell rings. A word of advice about food, it would be better to take an early breakfast before coming to school so that you'll be able to spend more time with us during the RECESS REVO sessions.

we have prayers as well
it's on monday, wednesday and friday.
at 7.05 a.m.
meet at the ping pong table. = )

ANYONE AND EVRYONE ARE WELCOMED TO JOIN US !! =DDD

Joleneee <3

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MY SISTER !

5:08 AM

My deepest apologies my dear friends for not being able to update my blog almost every second of the day. As you all know, I don't go online on weekdays and because of my earth forsaken art project which sucked half my youth away from me, I've been deprived of my weekends.

does that explain why i don't update my blog?
if yes, thank you.
if no, go bang a wall.

i really would like to continue my ' Evry post for every event' thinggy but i seriously can no longer contain this lil bubble of news within me.

my sister
ahem, beloved readers, i now have a new sister, in Christ of course and she is my bestest bestiest bestestestesssst friend, EDWINA ! *drum roll* xD i'm not gonna go into details, cause it's kind of personal in a way so.... she made the big decision last wednesday during CF after Pr. Pragas' sharing of his testimony. and i think i cried. no, that doesn't make me a sissier dad alright, but i'm honestly very very happy for Edddiieee =DDD

and the best thing is, we get to share with each other and teach each other and help each other grow in the Word and i'm just so happy ! so thrilled by this sudden change ! it's like... WOOOOOOOT !!! xD i feel like acting like a looney now !

i've a lot more to say.
T__T

Joleneee <3

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a post for evry event. =D

Tuesday, June 16, 20093:55 AM

Why helloooo people !

2 weeks have passed and I’ve not touched the internet ever since. Would you believe it?! O.o… ohkay I shall do this event by event for the whole 2 weeks so please do bare with me.

a post for every event.

starting TODAY.

First of all, I’m starting to believe in colours. Yes, colours. Bright, happy, cheerful colours! Bye bye emo, hellooooo cheerful!

I helped my church group, Agape to paint their board. And it’s all COLOURFUL! Design Inspiration gotten from Anna the Manthou. It went alright I think. Idk, ask Matt. XD

I started the week with shopping. For colours!

=D it was great!

My mom was reaaaaally generous that day. I’m still wondering why…

She bought for me 3 SESAME STREET SHIRTS!

Cookie monster, Elmo and Ernie !! and goodness knows who’s Ernie’s best friend. @_@

And and they are all COLOURFUL! Wheeeeee~ the colours just makes me wanna smile like some looney. XD lalalala~

And my mom said that I needed a watch. So we went watch hunting and I was searching high and low for either an orange, yellow, lime green or white watch. And hey I found all of them but the prices… I think I’ll have to rob a bank in order to buy all of them. XD

The orange one looked cheap but it wasn’t cheap. So what’s the point buying a not-cheap-cheap-looking watch? No point. Exactly. BUT I fell in love with this GOD-SENT white coloured Adidas watch. Digital and it emits lime green light!! But forget about it, like I said, rob a bank and we’ll talk about it. =D so I settled for a yellow watch and tadaaaaa~ it’s so feminine that it looks all wrong on me. but goodness, time for a change I suppose. = |

i think it's this. doesn't seem to look like it. =|

Joleneee <3>

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Over.. for now. = )

Wednesday, June 3, 20099:31 AM

it's all over.

the wait.
the pain.
the confusion.
the guilt.
the shame.
it's all over.
and thank you, you-knw-who-you-are.

it's all over. For Now.

but

what a shame really, to see all that effort being wiped away.
love was never my game. and i doubt it will ever be.
that's life, aint it?
well, my life i guess. *shrugs

Joleneee <3

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100%

6:31 AM

i was cutting out pieces of cardboard.. playing with a penknife and remembered my awful mistakes in the past.

i remembered that

pastor was right. your heart would never be 100% the same once you have started something with someone. bgr. a part of me has been taken. i'm no longer intact, complete, 100%. and i regret, regret with every drop of blood in me for letting someone take that part of me with him.

i was and still am young, naive and foolish. thinking that i was and am old enough to do whatever 18 year olds do. had the thinking that a young girl of 15 years is capable of handling all obstacles of life, big or small, wide or narrow.

i do not know whether if he feels the same. and i do not expect him to read this. time doesn't heal the wound but only leaves a superficial scap to cover its ugly sight. and from time to time, with a bit of harshness from life, the scap comes off and embraces the cold strong wind to beat against the fresh, open wound. the sort of pain that seems so familiar to me and i will continue to live with this pain until the day he comes back from wherever he is to return that part of me he took along with him. but sad to say, reality smacks you hard in the face when you least expect it, causing you to wake up from dreams and fantasies that would make fairy tales look like a bad joke. i doubt he'll come back. childhood lovers only happen in storybooks i suppose.

no, i need not of a replacement really. cause i see no point in starting something that will, definitely will end very very soon. i do not want to hide behind my parents back. i think i can stand on my own two feet and if i were to trip over a boulder the size of Komtar, i know that i have the friend who will help me up and try to kick that boulder to mars to avenge my fall. i thank you edddd, for helping me 'till today, even when i feel like crawling back to him, on my knees, scrapping all the scap of my knees, you hold me by the belt pulling me away from that frivolous desire.

despite all my regret and hurt, i am not saying that he is the cause of it. I am the cause of it. my childish innocence and arrogance was the cause of it. I am the monster. The one cruel enough to break him, piece by piece and putting on a facade for the entire world to see that i am not affected by it at all.

momma, if you're reading this, please have the reassurance that your daughter will always look to you whenever i fall this bad ever again. and ed, thank you for being with me when hell seemed to be the most compelling place to be when in such gloom.

i hope he comes back.
Joleneee <3

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