In this lil' mind of mine.

oh oh..

Wednesday, September 30, 20096:17 AM

Can some kind soul please tell me WHAT'S GOING ON?!

i don't know where i am.

i don't know who i am.

i don't know what i am doing.

omg.

@_____________@"

Joleneee

oh whee i know my name. =|

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Numb; Cold

Monday, September 28, 20098:29 AM

have you ever felt, numb?
cold, maybe?
if you have, don't worry, you're not dead.

'cause i know I'm not.

yet.

when I'm numb; cold,
i stand under the sun.
the sun feels good. it's nice to be under the sunshine.
the heat is comforting.
to feel the skin prickle like snow thawing after winter.

and I think I could feel my heart beat again. It pumps. My cheeks heat up.
It feels good to be alive.

but sad to say, spring does not last forever, neither does Summer. Winter takes its tow and once again it's back to being numb; cold. no matter how twisted the global weather may get. =|

so people, if you see some retard in school standing under the sun, let her be. Just let her be. If you want..feel free to join her, but i doubt you would. xD

Joleneee <3

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Goodbyes.

Sunday, September 27, 200912:53 AM

'Goodbyes'

last night i had to say a very painful goodbye to one of my best friends.
one goodbye was not enough. neither were two nor three. the goodbyes were uncountable.
why was one goodbye not good enough? was it to lengthen the sorry-emo-conversation? was it to make sure that the heartfelt feeling of sincerity was felt? was it to make the moment last longer? or maybe it was just so that i could hear his voice again. It's a wonder what impact the voice has on petty human feelings.

goodbye.

it's a painful goodbye.
you may think "where on earth is he going to??"
to be brutally honest to myself, i don't know.
That's why it's painful.

figure it out on your own.

and my brother left for KL 15 minutes ago. another goodbye. another hug. another tear. sometimes i really wish that people would stop leavin' me. however, I'm not that selfish to rob them away from their lives. circumstances prevent them from staying and I am of no position to anchor them down.

I may sound so noble. Yes, noble is such a silly word to use at a time like this. But sometimes, I really wanna throw a tantrum, be a kid and cry my eyes out for them to comfort me so they stay just a lil' bit longer. sometimes, not all the time. =|

Joleneee <|

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No promises. =|

Friday, September 25, 20099:05 PM

part of my life has been taken away from me.
and though i have always wished for this to happen.
never would i have thought of it to be so soon.
this lil' bit of hope and happiness washed away.
and there's nothing i could say or do to turn back the time.
the time where 'radical innocence' used to reign over us.
and yes, i would trade all i have for that time to return.
but no, i would trade all i have for the time to remain unchanged.
for my life is merged with the present and not of the past.
and though his promise of returning seems so near yet so far.
the option of returning might not be the only option for him.
so with prayers and hopes for the impossible to come back.
i shall wait.
and wait.
with no promises.

He's gone.

Joleneee <(

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kids

8:42 PM

kids

why hello everyone. Yes, i'm still alive and yes, i know that my blog is dying. SO, i'll give a brief account on what i've done the past month.

study
study
glue my ass to the chair to STUDY
and

TRIALS.

it was bad. i really didn't know how to answer the questions. i really didn't study hard enough. i seriously had no confidence when taking the paper. i was.. a vegetable then. well well, it's over aint it and yea it's holidays now BUT it's coming to an end.

That's about trials and studyin' nothin'.

i've been out lately. but nothin' interesting happened. my life is pretty dull. pretty boring. anyway, the main reason why im bloggin' today is to talk about...

CHILDLIKE INNOCENCE.

YES! childlike innocence! something most of us think we still have. i dare say i have lost mine. the very fact that we knw that viagra is blue and not yellow already shows how 'innocent' i am. And condoms come in more than one flavors. nono, pls don't try to brainwash me into thinking ' HEY Jo, it's general knowledge ohkay. sooner or later you'll know right?' but yea i know soonner or later i'll lose my childlike innocence. and i have already lost it. tadadadaaaa. T__T

when i was at the gym with Yan, i noticed a few kids playing around with the gym equipment. they were acting out a drama! so CUTE so INNOCENT ! they were talking about mermaids and pirates. potions and magic cucumbers? @_@ bungee jumping into magic portals. it's like wow.. their innocent imagination runs wild.............

it's so tempting to go back to those times. to those times when evrything was so.. carefree. so colourful and imaginative. so full of hope and happiness. and the things we argued abt were trivial and the things we fought for were so pathetic. for example, sweets. xD

as time passes by, our carefreeness is replaced by stress. i'm sure all of this isn't foreign to you. but ya know.. you just wonder at times, really, would you for once wanna be a kid again. do things kids do?

like watching tom and jerry with your cousin.
acting like you're some character in a sci-fi fiction movie.
playing 'DOCTOR' with stationary in school.
have a set of winnie the pooh files for your ttn work?

maybe yes, maybe no.

i'm so confused.

Joleneee <(

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