In this lil' mind of mine

Silence Kills

2010-11-19T18:32:00.000-08:00

The room used to be quiet. dull. dead. But a figure walked into the room and excitement, joy, light rushed in lk a stampede of American oxen. I was in total aghast till this strange figure came before me, felt my texture, went in depth with my worth and scrutinised me with complete admiration. How thrilled was I! Intoxicated with joy was I! I had grown so famliar, so accustomed to this sort of attention despite the short time span it had been. But no matter how delightlful it may seem, Good Fortune has shone her light dimly on me and before I could gather my consciousness together, Her candle has died out.

Am I like a painting? Painted but not to the colour of your desires? Painted but with a brush worth not more than a crow's feather? Displayed in the light but not in the midsts of million dollar artifacts but displayed in the dim light amongst the disposed lot?

Am I like a painting? Beautiful and inviting at first sight, but as the unforgiving minute passes, messes up your mind with abstract logic and labyrinth confusion? A painting different from many, unique in my own sense of creativity that has been lavished upon my paper that once used to be bleak, plain, dull. With every stroke of detail my Artist has brushed across my dress. but sadly, found appalling in your eyes in comparison to the painting you saw before me.

In my eyes, a painting nayy it is. It shone differently in the light, it seemed like a sculpture more than a painting in which you stood many seasons before to take in such deep consideration of its details. Its colours spoke to you, as though words were imprinted on its very texture. Its details stike your eyes and its refine finishing eventually captivated your heart. And there you stood before that painting, staring, admiring but woe to me, here i lay quietly hung, incapacitated, pondering on whether quiet sobs would do my colours any good after seeing where you chose to stand. To see you smile and glow in such boyish joy in its very presence.

Should I be in glee by the fact that he has actually spent a good 5 minutes looking at me and choose to not despair at the fact that he had the intention of purchasing her? how lucky she is to have someone to admire her all day and night. To willingly flash out the millions for her capture. What choice do I have but to keep still and silent as you walk out that door, with that painting in your hands. And once again the museum is quiet. And it kills me.

PARTYY!!!

2010-09-12T03:55:00.001-07:00

hello whoever who is reading this pathetic blog of minee.. =) nothing much has happened in school except for lots of duties, homework, laughters and teases. but that's what makes form 6 so memorable.

went for badminton with jason, xian and their friends for the past weeks and it was definitely fun! looking forward to playing badminton again despite being a really pathetic player who cant even smash! oh heavens isit really THAT hard to focus all my energy in one hit? im trying really hard to figure out the factors why i cant smash. hmmmm is it cause of my height? no... pooh bear could do it. D: it shall forever remain a mystery to me.

went for badminton with EDWINA, yan wei and herrbie.. it's been SOOO the long since i saw them and they never change.. except for yan who became SUPER talkative goodness knows what happened to him during his schooling days in form6. D: and the two buddies will forever be melodramatic ppl. i miss them to the core seriously!

XAVERIAN RAYA!
it was fun la wei! seriously, there was so much FOOD and FUN and LAUGHTER and thank you KEVIN, WEI CHIEN, WEN XIAN, JASON, SAMMY WAMMY, DENISE, MING YEN and EDDIE for coming for the party. i was glad that there was MORE than enough food to go around and that you all enjoyed the meal. somehow i felt snuggles was the main character of the whole party. @_@ hmmmm.........

after the party, i felt this pang of realisation. that i'm gona miss that day like crazy. it feels almost like regret but there's no need for the feeling of regret and yet it feels like fear of losing something yet there's no need for such fret and it feels somewhat like peace and gratitude for knowing that i have met such friends in my life who will always make in difference in the Jolene i am today and the Jolene i will be tomorrow. =)

school will be starting the day after tomoro and i've yet to get my gears going. T.T oh what doom.

JOLENEEEEsam

after exams..

2010-08-17T02:55:00.000-07:00

exams are oveeeeer.
i'm really really disappointed with how i did for my exams. =( it could've been better.
but thank you SOTONG for your terribly hillarious joke book. really did bring smiles to my face. =D

i just realised that i have issues with cats. yes cats. anything to do with cats. anybody and anything to do with cats. cats and me just dont go well together. from the beginning of time till now. why la why.. >( aihhh....
and did you know... that...
i really dont like the after-exams-phase. i seriously so sesat now, dont knw whether to sleep or to study or to indulge myself in a book or to watch tv or to go online or to bake or to sit here and be lost on blogspot and fb. hohoho.

i've got econs ttn in an hrs time. atleast i wont be sesat for the night. xD

-Joleneeesam-

UPDATES PPL!

2010-08-15T08:20:00.000-07:00

abt 3 weeks has passed since the BOD election.
i didn't get the post i ran for. oh well, in my point of view, nobody lost in the whole fiasco. everyone was a winner, the very fact that we were nominated proves it. the thing is, who is the winner among the winners, and they are the current council. =D GOOD LUCK and HAVE FUN ALL ! =D the very experience is already enlightening enough and i believe there's a reason for everything... in God's due time, everything will be revealed.. in God's due time. ^^

TESTS ARE TOMORROW! pls dont ask me why i'm online blogging to my heart's delight. my brain was officially murdered. the CSI came and analysed the scenario.. it was murdered brutally by economics, accs, general paper and BUSINESS STUDIES. D:

my phone is dying. it's taking it's last breath. boo hoo hooo. anyone generous enough to sponsor me a phone pls? ><

my weeks in school since the election was hectic! fun! and it got even better when i met two NUTTY WHACKY ANIMALS. a bambi and a bear. xD ahahhaha!

-JoleneeeSAM!-

UPDATED PPL!

2010-07-28T05:30:00.001-07:00

it has already been about 2 months since i entered form 6. still alive, amazingly with all the cocuriculum activities, ttns and school to jumble with. i really wish there were 48 hours in a day. T.T
alot has happened.
if i were to wrap it all up in a nutshell, it'll sound kinda messy.

here it goes.
i've made new friends.
i've entered the BOP.
i've attended BOD OC after going thru the tormenting interview.
i FREAKING ENJOYED BOD regardless of me being panda eyed.
i enjoyed helping out with VAD exhibition.

bonded with new friends.
attached to new friends.
and those new friends out of the many new friends had to leave.
to where?

for matriculation.

and so because of them, i've been really preoccupied for the last week. out almost everyday for their never ending farewells. haha. really enjoyed my time with them.
almost died cause of some car issues but hey im still here blogging, so it aint all THAT bad. =D
they're leaving for good this weekend.

how i'm feeling now?
let me briefly decode it for you.
i'm currently happy cause i ate lala for lunch.
i'm currently excited for tomoro's voting. MAY THE BEST NOMINEE WIN!
i;m currently sad at the thought of THEM leaving.
i'm currently panicky about VAD OC preparation.
i'm currently blur cause i lack sleep. LOL.

even i cant cant decode all. gawsh.

don't bother reading

2010-06-09T01:44:00.000-07:00

Hi I'm back. after 2 months of disappearing from the face of the earth. lol. I'm really bored that's why im blogging, otherwise, i would be doing something else. =D Just a rough summary about what has been going on in my oh-so-absurdly-boring life.

for starters, Form 6 has started for me. hmm, hw do i summarise f6 huh. it's fun. honestly, it is. Maybe cause the school's great OR my classmates are awesome. I'd prefer to stick to option two. lol. anyways, school has been going on for about a month now, and our first class party was held last friday, the friday b4 this forsaken busy holiday started. T.T It was really funn. ignoring the fact that we had too much leftovers and everyone almost got an overdose of carbon dioxide from all the carbonated drinks. tsk tsk. games was interesting; musical chairs and charade. nono im not being sarcastic ! it really was fun ! haha!

moving on to my holidays. i have been busy every single day till today. and i will continue to be busy until it's over. went out to gurney to watch prince of persia ystd with classmates namely... william, chye hee, wooi leng, wei chien and nel, and also my BEST BUDS; Edwina and Ming Yen! hmm Sam Tan was there too. =D

after movie was econs ttn. wooot.

no pics.
camera HAD NO BATTS. -.-

ahem. and that's about all. told you my life is sad. lol.

PIAANNG

2010-04-27T08:32:00.000-07:00

today ended with a disastrous 'PIANNGG'

I finished baking ma P.E.T.s, cleaned up.
everything was FINISHED and I left the kitchen, reached for the light switch and

PIAAANG

My hand accidentally hit the vodka bottle that was sitting in some fat chef's hand and it fell with a crash that simply said...

'there goes the vodka ma mum brought back from Russia. woe to me, i just wasted money just like that. -.-'

though my parents say 'it's ohkay'.
i still feel like crap. i know i know, i'm like 18 for goodness sake, but i can't help feeling so stupid and idiotically careless. ughhhhh.

and i got glass splinters all over ma hands and knees. And ouch, ma finger is bleeding.

'Woe to me'

JoleneeeSam

EXPERIMENTS! part 2

2010-04-27T00:15:00.000-07:00

I'm in a dillemma now.
should i continue baking while studying
or should i just quit baking to study
or ... nah i can't quit studying to bake.
D:
anywayyyy......
I came across a few pics just now!

TADAAA!

these are ma addictive magical choco'oat bite cookies!
(pfft magical, so they say xD)

PORTUGESE EGG TARTS!
baked a box of these for CellGroup last friday.
('It was a big HIT!' ... so they say xD)

ma greatest achievement in 4 months!
cause it's ma first pastry!
=DDDDD
and it tastes GOOD
SO I SAY!

lol pardon the lack of humility here. xD

well yeah, it's a chocolate tart shell with lots of peanut butter and blueberry jam stuffed in it.
didn't have enough cheese. D:
don't say gross cause it was my lunch.
teehee =D

FRESH from the MEGA HUGE OVEN in my back kitchen. rofl.
blueberry cheesetarts are THE MOST SUPERB TARTS IN THE WORLD!

*Followed by portugese egg tarts.
dahahaha!

JoleneeeSam

EXPERIMENTS !

2010-04-26T06:41:00.000-07:00

Dahahaha! holidays are coming to an end! Dahahahah!
i'm depressed. D:

i haven't really done anything THAT exciting during these few months. Have just been baking and keeping my lil baking business alive. No easy task but with the help of my marketing experts, it wasn't all too bad. =D Cheers to Ming Yen!

these are a few pics of a few random stuff i baked during the hols. sorry i forgot to take pics of the blueberry cheesecake, the lemon-frosted carrot cake, Choc fudge bars and dalmation bars. Will remember to take the next time i bake em. =)

pardon the ugly photos please. I'm not good in cameras and WITH cameras. =D

Chocolate Tart

Blueberry Cheese Tart!!

Blueberry Cheese Tart!!

Chewy Crumbles (supposedly the first legendary american choc-chip recipe)

Classic American Choc-chip cookies

I've got more pics but i guess
there's always room for another blogpost
right? =D more tarts and muffins in the next post!

JoleneeeSam

most men are cruel

2010-04-22T19:59:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine came over the other day, she laid a whole load of ‘sometimes I wonder’ statements.
puzzled, I looked at her hoping for an answer.
she just looked me in the eye and told me
“tell me what you have to say after I tell you this”
and she went on saying….

“sometimes I wonder what’s wrong with the world.
sometimes I wonder what’s wrong with the society.
sometimes I wonder why people don’t understand each other.
sometimes I wonder why people hurt one another.
sometimes I wonder why people make use of those who love them.
sometimes I wonder…….those who are used, then left alone, what joy is it in for them?

how ironic to know that the person I care for so much is actually the person who cares the least about me. the very person whom I’m so proud of is actually the person who despises me the most.
the person whom I love is the person who hates me the most. And what really breaks my heart is I did not know the malice that’s running in the person’s head, the cruel intentions augmenting within his heart. And Lo and Behold, this innocent soul, robbed of her integrity has been left victimized by the person she treasures the most.

though fate be called just, could I, that victimized person keep quiet and succumb to its will?
nay --- I wouldn’t. I couldn’t let fate toy with my emotions without an explanation.
an explanation to why I have to go through this period of torment for not my wrong doing, but the doing of others, of his.
but much to my dismay, fate closes its doors without an answer.
as though to say that it was MY fault to be who I am.

how ironic, I’d say.
To hear him tell me that I’m beautiful the way I am. That I shouldn’t change, ever. I honestly believed that I really am worth it. what a lie. what a lie. I didn’t need the sympathy so why did he lie to me?! Was he compelled to?! I‘ve come to realization, in reality, everyone judges by appearance. not even a saint would dare say he doesn’t. no one looks at the heart anymore. no one. even if it were the only thing a person would have.”

she sat on my bed, rubbing her absurdly swollen eyes.
she turned to me and repeated her question.
“tell me what you have to say after I told you this”

after listening to my friend relate her past, I saw a flashback before my eyes.
I grimaced at her question.
“Pffftt..,” I snorted.
what else could I say? I told her what I keep telling myself since that day.

“most men are cruel and that is just how they are."

JoleneeeSam

updates on F6

2010-04-08T22:42:00.000-07:00

ahh! minna!! genki? I went to school two days ago to acquire more info regarding form 6. it seems that the list will only be out on the 3rd of May 2010 and it will be out on the KPM site.

http://emoe.gov.my

the itroduction box is pretty ammusing if you ask me. please do bear this in mind, check the site only from 3rd May onwards. I'm sure the site would be crammed up. -.- so, pls be patiend. =D If your name is there, it means that you can go for F6, but if your name isn't there, it means you're either chosen for jpa scholarships/ entering college/ going overseas. so, good luck everyone and for those who have gone for yer jpa interviews, I hope you guys get what you've applied for. CHEERS!

JoleneeeSam!

again form 6

2010-04-05T04:49:00.000-07:00

WARNING! WARNING! ALL STUDENTS WHO INTEND TO DIG THEIR OWN GRAVEYA.. i mean WHO INTEND TO TAKE FORM 6..

I've heard that Form 6 starts on MAY 10. And the application letter will be sitting in our mailboxes pretty soon. So, pls do check your mail and start preparing for another 2 years of school! alright, man i can't wait. xDD

I was hanging out with my brother a few nights ago and we came across a very interesting topic.
Is Winnie the Pooh a HE or a SHE? O.o? hmmm that's a thought.

I'm bored.

Joleneeesam

FORM 6

2010-03-23T04:03:00.000-07:00

GAWSH! 3 MONTHS ARE COMING TO AN END. I'm sure everyone is having a tough time deciding where to go and what to do. As for me, I've decided to take form 6. suicidal attempt, I know, but enough with all the sympathetic talk, let me bore you with a few boring facts.

according to wikipedia, this is the list of subjects available. xD

A list of all subjects available for STPM students are:

Pengajian Am (General Studies)
Bahasa Melayu (Malay Language)
Bahasa Cina (Chinese Language)
Bahasa Tamil (Tamil Language)
Bahasa Arab (Arabic Language)
Literature in English
Kesusasteraan Melayu (Malay Literature)
Syariah (Islamic Law)
Usuluddin (Usuluddin)
Sejarah (History)
Geografi (Geography)
Ekonomi (Economics)
Pengajian Perniagaan (Business Studies)
Perakaunan (Accounting)
Mathematics S (may not be taken with Mathematics T)
Mathematics T (may not be taken with Mathematics S)
Further Mathematics T (may only be taken with Mathematics T)
Computing (may only be taken at certain schools)
Physics
Chemistry
Biology
Sains Sukan (Sports Science)
Seni Visual (Visual Art)

THEY HAVE LITERATURE. xD unfortanately, i doubt i'd be taking lit cause taking 5 subjects for STPM would literally mean digging my own graveyard. And no, I'm not considering dropping my econs, accs or business studies. LOL.AINT THAT JUST SAD?? =( BUT ANYWAY, yeah, a new life ahead of me in a new school, a new society and a new journey. I pray i make it out alive. =(

JoleneeeSam

Forgiveness

2010-03-19T05:21:00.000-07:00

Hello all!

let me be random.

I’m just so TERRIBLY confused why people fight and not patch up after that?? Is it reaaaally that difficult?

I know that everyone has their flaws and that their flaws can be REAAAALLY annoying, like indescribably annoying and I understand that NO ONE LIKES annoying flaws. But before we start condemning the person to the deepest pits of hell, judging him just because we’re annoyed beyond reason, have we actually asked ourselves whether if WE HAVE FLAWS that ANNOY THE BRAINS out of those around us? We all aren’t perfect, no one is perfect meaning in very very very very simple terms, WE HAVE FLAWS DONKEY. SO UNDERSTAND THAT. D: imagine, we condemn him to hell, he condemns us to hell, and by the end of the day, we’ll see the whole population of the world rotting in hell. I doubt the devil would like that.. There would be lack of oxygen for hell’s fire to burn. = =” Can’t we all just ACCEPT each other’s flaws and LIVE with it? Can’t we all just laugh about it and be TOLERANT? alright, you CAN say that option A) accepting each other’s flaws is so IMPOSSIBLE , you could die of an overdose of annoyance, so you could try option B) tell the person with serious gentleness that you’re not comfortable with his flaws and that you would like him to change. Come on, IT’S NOT THAT DIFFICULT ALRIGHT. = =

What if you chose none of the above and decided to create your own option; option C) ignore him, don’t get along with him, let the problems between the both of us augment until it reaches the heavens for all I care, I’m not talking to him. Well then, sorry to say brother, there’re no benefits from broken friendships.

There’s all to lose and nothing to gain.

You may say that whatever he does will not affect me because I don’t care about him anymore, but we must bear this in mind, we are all responsible for one another. We live in a community and not as an individual. A Youth group does not function with the work of one youth but with the work AS a group. We are like bees in a hive. We are all responsible for one another, no matter if he or she is a leader in the youth, a worship leader, a musician, a vocalist, a sound man or even an ordinary member. We should by right, respect one another in whatever role they play in the group. EVERYONE is important. every single person plays a role of equal responsibility. No one is more important than the other. We are one as a youth and we are responsible for whatever happens to each other. We are brothers and sisters in the ONE who has MADE US. He had made us to have communion with the community not to tear each other apart. Isn’t our God, the God of love, mercy and forgiveness? The God who despises anger and hatred? We have been growing in the sight of Christ for so many years. God would cry to see us walk away from our own brothers and sisters in bitter anger. I know with all my heart that God would want us to live in forgiveness, to be ever ready to forgive those who hurt us whether intentionally or unintentionally, to have the words ‘SORRY’ and ‘I FORGIVE YOU’ to always be at the tip of our tounges. I cry the tears that God would cry if he could, for his sons and daughters; for my two best friends.

JoleneeeSam

Girl's are Deadly

2010-01-05T07:48:00.000-08:00

Girls are Deadly, Lethal weapons. We kill intentionally or worse still, unintentionally.
We hurt without wanting to hurt.
When we do, the hurt isn't like the sort of hurt a blade causes but the sort of hurt a body would feel without it's heart.

i'm being random. But i've experienced hurting someone and it was a feeling i would die feeling.
i've NOW experienced seeing someone BEING HURT by a girl. it's such a painful process, being hurt and recovering from it. how could girls do it? how could girls Deliberately hurt others or being a Mother Theresa saying that it's for his own good?

there ought to be another way apart from hurting and being hurt. it doesn't have to be this way. things CAN work out with both parties smiling and hugging each other. The question is; whether or not we are willing to work things out; stop making excuses for our mistakes and also excuses to pacify our disappointments.

i've no idea WHERE I AM HEADING but i have to let this out cause it's disturbing my conscience so bad that guilt overwhelms me.

confused,
JoLene

Thanksgiving

2009-11-07T03:05:00.000-08:00

sorry all.

it has been a crazy month. I seriously can't believe that I'm still alive after the oh-so-hectic schedule. I'm sure I'm not the only student who's taking SPM, as we all know, there are hundreds, thousands, I don't know. =__=" my point is, I need a life cause preparation for SPM took half my life away and i need to loosen up, cause i'm walking like a piece of wood.

so unattractive, i know.
this is what SPM does to innocent girls at the age of 17. oh so sweet sweet age of 17. = )
anyway, enough with the SPM drama.

YESTERDAY was Thanksgiving day.
THANK YOU, ALL OF YOU FOR BEING MY BUDDIES.
yea, even if you're not, thank you anyway. =|

it was supposedly the last day of school for CLS form 5 girls, but sad to say, it wasn't. and still isn't. T___T and will never be. we sang, and signed cards, took a museum full of pictures and exhcanged farewell presents. it was very.. merry? yes, very jolly? yes, it was MERIAH! xD

but i wasn't.
you know i was wondering
"Thanksgiving day would be the perfect day to know your achievements. No, not academically but socially. A day you would be able to find out how popular, loved or accepted you are in school. Just a theory. Just a thought. Nothing serious."

i sat in class, looked at my classmates and smiled to myself. i have honestly failed in being a social butterfly. I dare say i barely know my classmates, or all of their names and i would expect the same from them. BUT it's alright, cause i chose for it to be this way. Was i Lonely?

out of the blues, Zhuey and pui yee barges into my classroom and says ' HAPPY THANKSGIVING DAD!' as they hand over their lil tokens of appreciation. To be brutally honest, I am seriously touched by their kind gesture. I know i've been one lousy dad.. so.. yeah, it meant a lot to me. =) i bump into my sissy sons, and being sons, they just hugged and wished me. so man of them. xD i bump into my juniors, lil gifts, lots of hugs.

maybe i wasn't a nasty senior after all? O.o

we walked to the hall, and my eyes searched for someone but she wasn't there. I left my bag at a corner and rushed out of the hall. She wasn't anywhere to be seen! I walked straight and turned at a corner. -calm- there she was, sitting down, holding her bottle, smiling at me. I felt..at home. I felt safe. i smiled back. i felt warm. we walked arm in arm to the hall and sat down with the rest of the students. i saw her circle of friends, a group she belongs to, all circling her, battling one another to take pictures with her. She went with them.

did i feel lonely?

before taking pictures, she looked at me and said ' Sam, you come in too!' and drags me by the arm with a smile so wide that the ends would have touched her ears. Home. With Edwina by my side, how could i feel lonely?

acceptance by a thousand students, doesn't count as much as the acceptance i see in her eyes. Flaws, stupidity, clumsiness, what-nots.
I thank God for knowing her. I really do.

the irony was that at the end of the day,
we didn't even thank each other for.. each other.
we didn't have to say anything.
we already knew.

=)

JoLene.

birthday

2009-10-11T00:21:00.000-07:00

My 17th birthday celebration was two days ago.
it was a fantastic party evryone! thank you sooo much for coming and for the pressies. xD

a brief account

my dog scared the crap out of Ming Yen and Herrbie at
8.00 P.M.
we ate dinner; spaghetti and fried chicken. LOL.
we played cards. chor tai ti? is that how you spell it, Kev? xD Kev:1, Jo:1, Yan:1.
we played GOLDFISH! ROFL. Ming Ming's brilliant ideaaaa. ahaha.
kev married my dog. ohh joy.
we sang the birthday song and ate the very very fattening birthday cake. (blueberry cheesecake ppl!!)
PRESENTS ! more details later. xD
FATAL FRAME 3 !! AHAHA ! it was a session of 30 mins retardism.
jemput-ed Eddie and Timmy at 11.00 P.M.
Pi Kayu for ROTI TISSSUUU. HEHEH !
reached home 1.20 AM.

cards was fun! Yan Wei kept .. trying to cheat. LOL but he won la anyway without cheating. Denise and Ming Yen has learned the art of gambling. wow. xD

the presents.
FUNNY! very touching presents really.

Herrbie got me a VERY VERY CUTE MANTOU CUP. I LOVE IT! hahaha.
Ming Yen got me a small naked pig. @_@ i think i'll name it Ming. ahah. she made a card for me, so pretty. =)
Eddie and Timmy bought me a charm bracelet! i lost mine during state camp last year. T__T
KEVIN SAM DID NOT BUY ME ANYTHING. lol but he apologised. what a loving cousin. xD
Denise Song got me something really really retarded. it was so retarded that its retardism had to ferment for a good 5 hours before i could open it. she bought me 'HOTWHEELS YELLOW CAR' migooood !!! >< but i love it.
and lastly.. Yan Wei.. he says it's an ugly present but i say it's nice. a jar of folded stars!! Thanks Yan.. it means alot to me. no matter how ugly you claim it to be. LOL!

FATAL FRAME!
it ws supposed to scare the crap out of us but instead, it made us laugh our asses off. xDD!! the ghosts are all pretty. sexay. and Herrbie keeps taking pics of the WRONG parts of the ghost. =____=

we went to Kayu and ate TWO FREAKING LONG LONG ROTI TISSUSSS. mampoi. T____T

pictures, have to wait for denise to upload. LOL. be patient be patient.

The Last

2009-10-03T23:55:00.000-07:00

i wished for my one wish for my birthday to be fulfilled.

and i regret for wishing.

'cause it will be fulfilled really really soon.

the last of everything

the last of everything

and it would be back to being

best friends.

stupid Jo.

stupid.

Joleneee

i predict

2009-10-03T07:13:00.000-07:00

another week has passed.

not that great a week.
results aren't as great as i though it would be.
though my parents are contented enough; i'm not.

i can predict that my phone bill for August will be really low.

last night was a great night.

Edwina and Timothy came over to visit me, to see whether if i'm alright or digging my own graveyard. lol.
Thanks alot guys.. the sotong goreng and ikan bakar was a real good remedy. ^^
Ed.. thank you for always being on the call for me. ever ready to give me a good smack back to reality.

i can predict that my inbox for August will be really empty.

tonight has been a great night too.
Herrbie brightened me up a bit. Though i'm not 100% 'ohkay' but.. i think i can make it through the night. your hillarious 'german sausages' and 'cocktail' jokes are the best! Thanks for the fatal frame vids. ROFL non stop the whole night. *huggs

i can predict that the future weeks are gonna be no diff from this week.

cause the fact hasn't changed.
the past remains the past.
the present remains the present.

Joleneeee <3

inspired.

2009-10-01T05:20:00.000-07:00

After a while

After a while you learn the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning and
company doesn't mean security,
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises,
And you begin to accept your defeats with your head
up and your eyes open, with the grace of an adult,
not the grief of a child,
And you learn to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans.
After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you
get too much
So plant your own garden and decorate your own
soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure...
that you are really strong,
and you really do have worth
And you learn and you learn
With every good-bye you learn...

-Veronica A. Shoffstall

i got this from Cheryl's blog.
very very inspiring.
i love it.
Thank you Cheryl !! ^^

and hey, I'm smiling again.
Thanks Eddie, for being the angel of the source of my strength.
and Yan Wei, for being my blessing of joy.
*Huggs

Joleneee <3

oh oh..

2009-09-30T06:17:00.000-07:00

Can some kind soul please tell me WHAT'S GOING ON?!

i don't know where i am.

i don't know who i am.

i don't know what i am doing.

omg.

@_____________@"

Joleneee

oh whee i know my name. =|

Numb; Cold

2009-09-28T08:29:00.000-07:00

have you ever felt, numb?
cold, maybe?
if you have, don't worry, you're not dead.

'cause i know I'm not.

yet.

when I'm numb; cold,
i stand under the sun.
the sun feels good. it's nice to be under the sunshine.
the heat is comforting.
to feel the skin prickle like snow thawing after winter.

and I think I could feel my heart beat again. It pumps. My cheeks heat up.
It feels good to be alive.

but sad to say, spring does not last forever, neither does Summer. Winter takes its tow and once again it's back to being numb; cold. no matter how twisted the global weather may get. =|

so people, if you see some retard in school standing under the sun, let her be. Just let her be. If you want..feel free to join her, but i doubt you would. xD

Joleneee <3

Goodbyes.

2009-09-27T00:53:00.001-07:00

'Goodbyes'

last night i had to say a very painful goodbye to one of my best friends.
one goodbye was not enough. neither were two nor three. the goodbyes were uncountable.
why was one goodbye not good enough? was it to lengthen the sorry-emo-conversation? was it to make sure that the heartfelt feeling of sincerity was felt? was it to make the moment last longer? or maybe it was just so that i could hear his voice again. It's a wonder what impact the voice has on petty human feelings.

goodbye.

it's a painful goodbye.
you may think "where on earth is he going to??"
to be brutally honest to myself, i don't know.
That's why it's painful.

figure it out on your own.

and my brother left for KL 15 minutes ago. another goodbye. another hug. another tear. sometimes i really wish that people would stop leavin' me. however, I'm not that selfish to rob them away from their lives. circumstances prevent them from staying and I am of no position to anchor them down.

I may sound so noble. Yes, noble is such a silly word to use at a time like this. But sometimes, I really wanna throw a tantrum, be a kid and cry my eyes out for them to comfort me so they stay just a lil' bit longer. sometimes, not all the time. =|

Joleneee <|

No promises. =|

2009-09-25T21:05:00.000-07:00

part of my life has been taken away from me.
and though i have always wished for this to happen.
never would i have thought of it to be so soon.
this lil' bit of hope and happiness washed away.
and there's nothing i could say or do to turn back the time.
the time where 'radical innocence' used to reign over us.
and yes, i would trade all i have for that time to return.
but no, i would trade all i have for the time to remain unchanged.
for my life is merged with the present and not of the past.
and though his promise of returning seems so near yet so far.
the option of returning might not be the only option for him.
so with prayers and hopes for the impossible to come back.
i shall wait.
and wait.
with no promises.

He's gone.

Joleneee <(

kids

2009-09-25T20:42:00.000-07:00

kids

why hello everyone. Yes, i'm still alive and yes, i know that my blog is dying. SO, i'll give a brief account on what i've done the past month.

study
study
glue my ass to the chair to STUDY
and

TRIALS.

it was bad. i really didn't know how to answer the questions. i really didn't study hard enough. i seriously had no confidence when taking the paper. i was.. a vegetable then. well well, it's over aint it and yea it's holidays now BUT it's coming to an end.

That's about trials and studyin' nothin'.

i've been out lately. but nothin' interesting happened. my life is pretty dull. pretty boring. anyway, the main reason why im bloggin' today is to talk about...

CHILDLIKE INNOCENCE.

YES! childlike innocence! something most of us think we still have. i dare say i have lost mine. the very fact that we knw that viagra is blue and not yellow already shows how 'innocent' i am. And condoms come in more than one flavors. nono, pls don't try to brainwash me into thinking ' HEY Jo, it's general knowledge ohkay. sooner or later you'll know right?' but yea i know soonner or later i'll lose my childlike innocence. and i have already lost it. tadadadaaaa. T__T

when i was at the gym with Yan, i noticed a few kids playing around with the gym equipment. they were acting out a drama! so CUTE so INNOCENT ! they were talking about mermaids and pirates. potions and magic cucumbers? @_@ bungee jumping into magic portals. it's like wow.. their innocent imagination runs wild.............

it's so tempting to go back to those times. to those times when evrything was so.. carefree. so colourful and imaginative. so full of hope and happiness. and the things we argued abt were trivial and the things we fought for were so pathetic. for example, sweets. xD

as time passes by, our carefreeness is replaced by stress. i'm sure all of this isn't foreign to you. but ya know.. you just wonder at times, really, would you for once wanna be a kid again. do things kids do?

like watching tom and jerry with your cousin.
acting like you're some character in a sci-fi fiction movie.
playing 'DOCTOR' with stationary in school.
have a set of winnie the pooh files for your ttn work?

maybe yes, maybe no.

i'm so confused.

Joleneee <(

kereta warna banana cantik kan ?

2009-08-06T22:25:00.000-07:00

today, imma feel very random. so imma post random stuff. and these random stuff, are seriously random stuff that i've come across in my 'jolini folder'. Gawd knows what kind of rubbish are stored in there. @_@

DENISE SONG DON'T YOU THINK IT LOOKS SO FASCINATING? xDD *headshot
i think i got this from Kevin Pao. it's so freaking disturbing !! and i bet that's Kelvin's bike. *scratch

i think i also got this from Kevin Pao. LOL! some sick stuff we came across while acting like innocent kids in toysrus. *pffft innocent my foot.. xD

yea, i think these puppies were a shelf on top of the bunnies. @_@
fyi. it wasn't us who did it ! xD

OH LOOK! it's me and my fancy-fancy-mini-tiny-shiny-cute lil yellow car ! it costs about RM600 + if i'm not mistaken. HAHA! it's so freaaaking niceeeeeee!! it's MINEEEE ! xD

and according to kevin, i'll get a saman for driving a yellow car because it attracts too much attention.

policeman 1: eh eh tengok kat kereta banana tu! cantik kan? oisehhhh!
policeman 2: cantik kepala kau da! dia speed 'gitu laju, tak nampak ka?
conclusion : if i were to speed, hell ya i'll be the first to get noticed and the first to get a saman. T__T

at parking lot
policeman 1 : amboi, tengok kereta kuning ni. air liur meleleh dah!
policeman 2 : ya, dan si pemandu ni tak tau parking. kena saman teruk, memang air liur dia meleleh.
conclusion : if i were park like crap, hell ya i'll be the first to get noticed and the first to get a saman.

KEVIN'S CONCLUSION: yellow sports cars rawks! cause they'll always be the centre of attention. xDD

isn't that right, kevin? HAHA!

feeling random,
Joleneee <3

where's the bliss ?

2009-08-03T20:44:00.001-07:00

i'm struggling with life. and spm isn't making it any easier for me.

alot has been happening for the past few weeks and everything seems to be a blur at the moment.
i can't get my stuff done because i'm drastically distracted by the most out-of-the-blue event in my life. but who cares. been out for lunch with lawrence, steph and genia for the past weeks and i had a great discussion with lawrence about a few interesting topics. however, we came to the part

what we want may be totally different from what God wants for us.

so true and it goes without saying. i'm torn between life.. and life. and i have to choose one. although it seems as though i have the choice of both.. but no, only one and i think i've made my choice and i'm not sure if God's wrath is going to burn me to the pits of hell.

uncle collin once told me
'if you were to be with him, a non-believer, it would be exactly like this. you are standing on top of a table and he is on the floor and you're holding each others hand. which one is easier, to pull him up the table or for him to pull you down from the table?'

someone smack me in the face for thinking that i have such brute strength to do it on my own. but i'm taking my chances. i have to try to win one more for Jesus. i have to try.

because no matter what. God's kingdom comes first.

and oh another issue.
i'm so sick and disgusted with myself. a hypocrite. i hate myself for that. i'm so sorry puiyee so sorry edwina. i'm so sorry God for being the biggest most stupidest stumbling block in my friends lives. and i do not know how to get things back to normal.

i guess this situation is like a broken vase. it's glued back with all the sorries but the cracks are still there, still visible. and it can never be as perfect or as beautiful as before. i feel so rotten for being so careless. i'm sorry.

i can't do recess revo. i dont fit to be a leader, to lead people into prayer to lead people into the word to lead people into anything... cause i myself, have disgraced God too much. too much. i'm sorry ming yen. forgive me cause.. i really can't.

distressed,
Joleneee <(

ps: at times like this, i really wish he is a christian. adakah kamu pernah merasai perasaan dukacita dan sukacita pada masa yang sama? T_T

I'm sorry .

2009-07-24T03:33:00.000-07:00

i think i've made the second biggest mistake in my life.
and it is similar to the first biggest mistake in my life.
so in CONCLUSION

i never learn my lesson. T_T

and does anyone know why on earth some people have this aura that FORCES you to spill out secrets WILLINGLY ? T____T

this week has been an emotionally-unstable week. test was horrid and so is my social life. i'm sorry for making the wrong choices and decisions, causing the people around me to feel like they're burning in hell. i'm sorry for not being a better friend, being a better dad. but i really do not intend to hurt anyone nor cause any harm to those i love most; my sissy family. i know that some of you are disappointed in me, angry and frustrated with my cursed attitude and playfullness and if i have hurt anyone one of you..
i'm sorry.
i really don't mean to.
all in all, i still love you guys more than anything else.

Joleneee <(

lalalalala.

2009-07-19T07:14:00.000-07:00

a million apologies evryone for not updating by blog.

went for a spelling competition with saucheng, denise and wei cyn. acted like geeks for the whole day ! spelling words that we will NEVER use in our entire lifetime. and i hate the word heiment. and that lady for not knowing how to pronounce H with a H sound. =___=" and this guy, lalafung, who thinks he knows evrything.. ate his own dust.

pls visit saucheng's or denise's or wei cyn's blog for more info. xD tq.

i've got a free guitar ! and it is definitely a blessing from God. in the afternoon i prayed to God for a guitar because i wanted to improve myself futher when it comes to praise and worship .. since my bro took the guitar to KL. <( and i went over to dad's friend's house in the evening, Uncle C. told me that he doesn use his guitar anymore and so i just bluntly asked, " Do you intend to sell it? @_@" haha, he GAVE it to me. like.. WOOOOT?

SHAAM WOOHOOO !! XD

and i have a meddled-messed up heart because of a msg i recieved on saturday night. haha, no regrets tho. *winks

KEVIN SAM THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH ME GAMING ALRIGHT ! ><

SHAM WOOHOOO !

2009-07-08T03:40:00.000-07:00

it's a YELLOW CAR!!
like duhhh does it look like a red car to you? =___=

i do not know when or how or what made me so crazy over cars. especially those FREAKING COOL YELLOW CARS ! jsladhf;lsah the beauty these cars behold are just... indescribable. =/

if you're thinking ' since she's so crazy over cars, does she knw abt the kinds of oil, hood to boot, car models and etc?' the answer is, NO. i'm not crazy over cars till i buy car magazines and speak in car jargon to any Tom Dick or Harry on the streets. i don't even know what gears are. i know two internal things, breaks and accelerate. and come on laaa it's in MATHS for crying out loud...o.O...i just like cars for what they are.

and i ADORE cars with those giaaaaaant bazookas jutting out from the its sides! and cars that destruct the environment with whatever special advantages the car is known for or bash up other cars to SCRAPS ! like *BIIIISH* with its giant bombs and road spikes or or.... and noooooo, i HATE army tanks.

because it is
1) big
2) ugly
3) ugly
4) very ugly
5) and dull

When i was a much younger kid, my all-time favourite game was TWISTED METAL on the PS. i have like the whole SERIES of it. my bro and me would just enjoy choosing those effing cool cars with all those bulky weapons protruding out from all four corners and bashing each other into pulp ! BIG FOOTS ARE MASSIVELY HUGE AND WICKED! bro always liked 'Jumper'. pink car.. petite BUT light.
and he always bishes me into pulp. T__T

Burn Out is also one of the recent games i play on the PSP. KEVIN SAM DON'T YOU DARE LAUGH AT THIS STATEMENT! it's great for just stressing out all the crap school gives you at the end of the day. I usually rampage, cause racing isn't one of my best abilities. crashing cars and seeing them fly in the air... ahhhhh... bliss. xD

my bro must be thinking ' my sis is weird..'

IT'S DEATH RACE CARS PEOPLE !!!

a few months back, my bro invited me to watch 'Death Race' with him. i was like,' Hami hi lai? o.O....' manatau.. watch just 1/10 of the show i was like jumping up and down and screaming and laughing and being HIGH ! my bro was like ' oh.. ohhh.... she's gone craaaaaazyyyyy T__T' DEATH RACE IS BY FAR THE MOST GORRY, THRILLING AND KID-EXHILARATING MOVIE EVER ! and yes, i'm a kid. you got a prob with that? =__="
basically it's about cars racing each other KILLING their opponents with their own customed MONSTER CARS with FREAKING HUMONGOUS GUNS and SPIKES and BLADES !and the cool part is that the racing track has these base pads that enable the cars to have special powers.. or in a less lame way or saying it.. 'abilities'. = ) the trick is, the cars must have ALL FOUR WHEELS on the pad to activate the ability. I LOVE THAT PART THE MOST ! it's like.... WOW WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT OF THAT???? xDDD there are a few rounds and drivers are eliminated. permanently. SO COOL ! those monster trucks make my
blood go ' SHAM WOOHOOO !' XD

what about drifting and all those fancy car tricks?two words. LOVE THEM ! It makes me go all ' omg !!' and 'woaaaaaahhhh' and 'OH MOMMA !'

i do NOT know why i'm crapping all this but i guessNOW you know a bit more about me.
and warning. don't you ppl come to me speaking in car jargon cause i'll seriously tie you to a bamboo stick and shoot you to Mars. =____="

JoLeneee <3

just so you know !

2009-07-03T03:37:00.000-07:00

boring.
my blog is boring.
i know it's boring because i don't gossip about boys .. or girls for that matter openly for the entire cyber world to read.
i know it's not the perfect girly webpage adorned with pictures of cute lil dresses that makes some girls go ' OMGGG THAT DRESS IS SO CUTE !'
i know it's kinda dull because i talk superficially of the issues around me.
i know it's weird for some of you to keep seeing the word ' God God GOD' repeated like a million times in just two posts.

but you see, when someone asks me, 'what is the purpose of you blogging?'
i'll just say 'to share with people about what God has done in my life'.
it's all for God. not for me myself and I.

yes it's true that there are some random posts about my compulsive spending disorder and about some almost-hillarious moments in my life that has got nothing to do with religion or whatsoever, BUT majority of the posts are for God.
in the beginning, i was thinking of making my blog something like a train of thoughts been typed out 'in this lil mind of mine'. however, as time passes.... all that's in my mind is God.

BOOOOORRRIIIIIIING !
yea yea i know, sam is so noisy, so loud and so crazy and here she is trying to be some priestest from Jerusalem on her BLOG for crying out loud !
i'm sorry guys, there's a limit to evrything. and being too crazy, ain't all that good either, ya know? = )
i don't think that i'm the kind who would harp one a bunch of cute guys for ages telling the whole world i like them. because to be frank, haha, most of the guys i have liked so far are far from being ... good looking. let's just say, i'm blind to such things. = ) and i'm sure you guys wouldn;t be interested in reading about non-good looking guys right? haha ! isn't that right, Rach? LOL !
clothes. ohkay i like clothes but not obsessed over them. a few decent pieces here and there... yea and in the end it's the same. shirt and jeans. so, really, what's there to talk about clothes? o.O" maybe there's a rare occasion when i talk about dresses and such.. be patient till then. i know some of you girls are boo-ing me till your guts have spilled out but, that's just me, Samjo. = )

ohkay
if you reaaaaaally know me, you would understand that i'm not that kind of girl that likes to hang about shopping complexes looking absolutely glamorous, fussing about the 1 kg i gain during the holidays or going all day about cute boys. YES i DO talk about boys. but not in the infatuated sort of manner. and even if i do, it wouldn't last all day.
anyway, if you really know me, you would understand that i am a child of God who would like to dedicate this blog to God as much as possible !

'God again' you may think.
haha.
bear with me really, cause that's why i'm having this blog.

Joleneee <3

Public Speaking ! <3

2009-07-03T02:53:00.000-07:00

once again, hi evryone !

it has been a terribly busy week for me so i've finally got the chance to sit my butt down at the comp and post something to keep my almost-dying-blog from dying. = )

tho, it's still dying =(

anyway, a miracle happened to me this week. the biggest, most amazing, unbelievable miracle happened !
as some of you know, i was in for public speaking and i HATED IT !
i was lamenting about it for two weeks. TWO WEEKS NON-STOP! =__=
the competition was last wednesday.

to cut the long story short, i tried to get sick. i really reaaaaally tried to get sick and i ALMOST DID. why get sick? well because i wanted to RUN AWAY FROM THE DREADFUL PUBLIC SPEAKING COMPETITION, THAT'S WHY. but, my dad got sooo worried, he took me to a doctor, got me some antibiotics and GAH, i got well. I just HAD to get well 2 days before the competition which was monday and the wonderful part is that i did not memorize the script at all because i thought i would be SICK ! manatauuuu, my mom comes into the room and says ' God doesn't want you to run away from this you know, and he won't let you.'

freaky? not really... God had a plan for me. but i refused to see it. why else would i be cured? x (

i cried. i cried bitterly. i cried with anger, frustration and uncontrolled negative emotions. but after the tears, i felt much better. as though i cried out all the negativity out of my brains.
with a much distorted face from crying, i went out to my mom and said ' i'll try but i know i won't win because i seriously feel STUPID for agreeing to do this'. my mom comforted me and reminded me to pray.
prayer.
something i've never actually thought about.
so
i prayed and all my stupidity was wiped away with all the doubts. i can't explain how. it's as though it was never there! it was a monday night. i started reciting and reciting and memorizing and reciting and in TWO HOURS i memorized everything, SEASONED with confidence and ready to give my best
not for ME
not for MISS CHEE
not for my MOM
but for GOD!

i woke up on wednesday morning and prayed. on the way to school, i prayed. and God kinda told me ' why not be the first to go up the stage?'. i thought..." nahhhhh........that would be suicidal"
i went for prayer group and evryone prayed for me,Zhu and Rach.
i was late for drawing lots. and i got 14th. THE LAST. BUT
BUT
BUT
BUT
pui yee came up to me and said the most SURPRISING THING to me that morning
pui yee : DAD AHH ! You wanna change number with me?
samjo : har? what number? o.O?
pui yee : *shows number* ONE !
samjo : OHKAY !!

without a second thought i said ohkay. without a second thought. i must've been CRAZY ! i was supposed to be shaking like a leaf but.. surprisingly... i didn't. i wasn't THAT nervous. =D and do you see the connection? God's calling to be first and in the end, i did get to be the first.

coincidence?
i don't think so.

i prayed and prayed until sissy SARAS called my name and i went up the stage. and i looked at the audience, my fellow colistrians. i froze. BUT again i heard God saying " don't be afraid. all these people look like tiny dots in blue. don't they?"
tiny dots
tiny dots
tiny dots
...............
HAHAH YAH THEY DO ! =D
so i carried on talking to the tiny blue dots and before i knew it, it was over. and i was
r.e.l.i.e.v.e.d.
impromptu.
terrible.
"NATIONAL SERVICE should be made COMPULSORY for all FITH FORMERS. What do you think?"
and i crapped about evrything and anything knowing i said something and not nothing.
*ting ting
i walked off the stage.

it was time to announce who the winners were and i walked to the back of the hall to sit with ED. knowing that i wouldn't get anything.
But guess what
i won third place.

@_@

and i'm glad that Ed was the first to hug me, congratulating me. ><

Congratz SAU CHENG and ZHU-EY for winning first and second placing ! you guys were AWESOME !!

THANK YOU KENNETH ! LK i said ILY so much for helping me with the script and for your fantastic catchy 'obama-phrases'! i got feedback that i sound very kenneth-ish up on stage ya know..... LOL. aren't you SO proooooud of me? =D

anyway, do you see the power of prayer? do you see how amazing God works? you may think that ' it's all just a mere coincidence...' but I SAY, NO ! it's real and it's God !

ILY GOD ! =DDD

Joleneee <3

alone or lonely

2009-06-28T02:08:00.000-07:00

you know, there is a difference between being alone and being lonely. yes, there IS a difference. i think i've been alone and i think i've been lonely before. but what i understand is that now, i aint lonely at all even though i'm alone. really, Kye, you think im emo and you assume that i'm lonely. you think i aint got love so you assume i'm lonely. sorry to burst your ignorant bubble, boy.

F.Y.I.

being lonely is having no one to love and no one to offer love to you. that's lonely.

being alone is being by yourself in a crowd of a million. that's alone.
and if you're alone and lonely. why kye, @_@.... i pity you, really.

but i know i aint lonely, cause i got friends who i love and i hope i have friends who love me.
i've got a sissy family who gives me abundant annoying joy. LOL !
i've got a best friend whom i treasure, whom i hope to always be the reason for the smile on her face. and i dare say, she would do the same for me too.
I've got a bunch of steamoz whom i love dearly, tho i rarely show it. xD ain't that right guys?
i've got parents who love me and i'm sure they love me.
i've got a dog whom i love to DEATH and haha, yeah she definitely loves me. in her annoying-snuggly sort of way
and hey, Kye? i've got a God who loves me and a God i will love till the ends of the earth.

SO

is there any reason For Me to be lonely, Kye?
really, i don't think so. =D

proved you wrong didn't I,
Joleneee <3

One more for God !

2009-06-24T07:03:00.000-07:00

ONE MORE !

for HIM !
my daughter was lost, but now is found.
welcome to the family, Zhu~
we love you !!

WHEEEEE !!

Joleneee <3

p.s. He's just so real ! Love HIM ! ><

LAZY !

2009-06-23T01:49:00.000-07:00

LOL. i'm lazy to do update you guys on my boring 2 week holiday so... i'll just make it super brief and short. pleasing to the eyes aye, owayne? =X

i'm writing evrything in random so it's not in order but it's definitely within the two week break. enjoyy.

i went colour shopping. i'm kinda adore sesame street and looney tunes now. LOL.

i went to help out with VBS during the first week and the kids weren't that bad actually. quite bearable.

i went for my first youth cellgroup. xD!! it was SUPER ! it was kinda short and brief but definitely enlighting. i had never laughed so much for that week.

i went for a movie outing with lawrence, sean, daniel, and stephyy. 17 Again ! hillarious and a must-watch. it kinda plays with your emotions throughout the movie.

i went mythology crazy ! bought a book on greek mythology, a book on world mythology and a book on egypthology. I LOVE THEM ALL !!

My dog bit my glasses. and yes, it's in scraps. T_T

i visited mini Shanghai right here in penang. Chung Ling prefects' day had taught me to never go to China.

RC CAMP WAS FUN AND FUN AND TIRING AND HOT BUT FUN ! you get the idea, don't you? haha.

went for lunch with the Steamoz on a Saturday at Breeks. it ws great seeing all of you again. And talking to you guys seriously makes my day. =DDD

i fell in love with these FREAKING COLOURFUL ADIDAS SHOES and a PINK ADIDAS BAG and THE GOD-SENT ADIDAS WATCH !

That's all on what i did during the holz. boring huh? =(
more details on VBS coming soon...
more details on RC CAMP coming soon...
jokes about my FANTASTIC mandarin in the coming posts. it is a must read ! xD

Joleneee <3

RECESS REVO !

2009-06-22T05:30:00.000-07:00

yes people, it is RECESS REVO ! and our school's cf is finally doing it. we've just started last week and the response was very good and i really hope that it continues to grow and more people would come to knw more about the Word. Ming Yen, Denise and I are greatly motivated and encouraged to carry on RECESS REVO, rain or shine! Actually, we really feel that God is really working in our school and we're almost certain that CLS will be transformed into a society of the younger generation who will Stand for God!

aihh seriously, why didn't we start this earlier?? I'll be leaving in a few months time and I'm only able to witness the early growth. T_____T

to those from CLS who wish to join in our RECESS REVO sessions, pls refer to the info below:

venue: Porch 2 / Ping pong table
time : first recess AND second recess
people in charge:

1st recess: Ming Yen and Denise

2nd recess: JoLene and Theresa

we will be there the minute the school bell rings. A word of advice about food, it would be better to take an early breakfast before coming to school so that you'll be able to spend more time with us during the RECESS REVO sessions.

we have prayers as well
it's on monday, wednesday and friday.
at 7.05 a.m.
meet at the ping pong table. = )

ANYONE AND EVRYONE ARE WELCOMED TO JOIN US !! =DDD

Joleneee <3

MY SISTER !

2009-06-22T05:08:00.000-07:00

My deepest apologies my dear friends for not being able to update my blog almost every second of the day. As you all know, I don't go online on weekdays and because of my earth forsaken art project which sucked half my youth away from me, I've been deprived of my weekends.

does that explain why i don't update my blog?
if yes, thank you.
if no, go bang a wall.

i really would like to continue my ' Evry post for every event' thinggy but i seriously can no longer contain this lil bubble of news within me.

my sister
ahem, beloved readers, i now have a new sister, in Christ of course and she is my bestest bestiest bestestestesssst friend, EDWINA ! *drum roll* xD i'm not gonna go into details, cause it's kind of personal in a way so.... she made the big decision last wednesday during CF after Pr. Pragas' sharing of his testimony. and i think i cried. no, that doesn't make me a sissier dad alright, but i'm honestly very very happy for Edddiieee =DDD

and the best thing is, we get to share with each other and teach each other and help each other grow in the Word and i'm just so happy ! so thrilled by this sudden change ! it's like... WOOOOOOOT !!! xD i feel like acting like a looney now !

i've a lot more to say.
T__T

Joleneee <3

a post for evry event. =D

2009-06-16T03:55:00.000-07:00

Why helloooo people !

2 weeks have passed and I’ve not touched the internet ever since. Would you believe it?! O.o… ohkay I shall do this event by event for the whole 2 weeks so please do bare with me.

a post for every event.

starting TODAY.

First of all, I’m starting to believe in colours. Yes, colours. Bright, happy, cheerful colours! Bye bye emo, hellooooo cheerful!

I helped my church group, Agape to paint their board. And it’s all COLOURFUL! Design Inspiration gotten from Anna the Manthou. It went alright I think. Idk, ask Matt. XD

I started the week with shopping. For colours!

=D it was great!

My mom was reaaaaally generous that day. I’m still wondering why…

She bought for me 3 SESAME STREET SHIRTS!

Cookie monster, Elmo and Ernie !! and goodness knows who’s Ernie’s best friend. @_@

And and they are all COLOURFUL! Wheeeeee~ the colours just makes me wanna smile like some looney. XD lalalala~

And my mom said that I needed a watch. So we went watch hunting and I was searching high and low for either an orange, yellow, lime green or white watch. And hey I found all of them but the prices… I think I’ll have to rob a bank in order to buy all of them. XD

The orange one looked cheap but it wasn’t cheap. So what’s the point buying a not-cheap-cheap-looking watch? No point. Exactly. BUT I fell in love with this GOD-SENT white coloured Adidas watch. Digital and it emits lime green light!! But forget about it, like I said, rob a bank and we’ll talk about it. =D so I settled for a yellow watch and tadaaaaa~ it’s so feminine that it looks all wrong on me. but goodness, time for a change I suppose. = |

i think it's this. doesn't seem to look like it. =|

Joleneee <3>

Over.. for now. = )

2009-06-03T09:31:00.001-07:00

it's all over.

the wait.
the pain.
the confusion.
the guilt.
the shame.
it's all over.
and thank you, you-knw-who-you-are.

it's all over. For Now.

but

what a shame really, to see all that effort being wiped away.
love was never my game. and i doubt it will ever be.
that's life, aint it?
well, my life i guess. *shrugs

Joleneee <3

100%

2009-06-03T06:31:00.000-07:00

i was cutting out pieces of cardboard.. playing with a penknife and remembered my awful mistakes in the past.

i remembered that

pastor was right. your heart would never be 100% the same once you have started something with someone. bgr. a part of me has been taken. i'm no longer intact, complete, 100%. and i regret, regret with every drop of blood in me for letting someone take that part of me with him.

i was and still am young, naive and foolish. thinking that i was and am old enough to do whatever 18 year olds do. had the thinking that a young girl of 15 years is capable of handling all obstacles of life, big or small, wide or narrow.

i do not know whether if he feels the same. and i do not expect him to read this. time doesn't heal the wound but only leaves a superficial scap to cover its ugly sight. and from time to time, with a bit of harshness from life, the scap comes off and embraces the cold strong wind to beat against the fresh, open wound. the sort of pain that seems so familiar to me and i will continue to live with this pain until the day he comes back from wherever he is to return that part of me he took along with him. but sad to say, reality smacks you hard in the face when you least expect it, causing you to wake up from dreams and fantasies that would make fairy tales look like a bad joke. i doubt he'll come back. childhood lovers only happen in storybooks i suppose.

no, i need not of a replacement really. cause i see no point in starting something that will, definitely will end very very soon. i do not want to hide behind my parents back. i think i can stand on my own two feet and if i were to trip over a boulder the size of Komtar, i know that i have the friend who will help me up and try to kick that boulder to mars to avenge my fall. i thank you edddd, for helping me 'till today, even when i feel like crawling back to him, on my knees, scrapping all the scap of my knees, you hold me by the belt pulling me away from that frivolous desire.

despite all my regret and hurt, i am not saying that he is the cause of it. I am the cause of it. my childish innocence and arrogance was the cause of it. I am the monster. The one cruel enough to break him, piece by piece and putting on a facade for the entire world to see that i am not affected by it at all.

momma, if you're reading this, please have the reassurance that your daughter will always look to you whenever i fall this bad ever again. and ed, thank you for being with me when hell seemed to be the most compelling place to be when in such gloom.

i hope he comes back.
Joleneee <3

Stemoz Outing !

2009-05-29T03:52:00.001-07:00

hey steam people,
we plan to have an outing this coming holidays so we were thinking of watching a movie, get some lunch... catch up? crap... and for crying out loud... no more rc stuff in our conversations please. haha...jkjk.
yeah, so CLS has thought of watching monsters vs aliens.

show: monsters vs aliens (3D)
date : anytime 2nd week, tuesday, wednesday, friday or sunday.
time : from 1.00 to 5.30 ?
cost : RM 15 per ticket, i think.

we'll most probably be having lunch, then only watch the movie.
SO, for lunch, it'll be anywhere in gurney aite?

OH YAHHH !! this outing is also to celebrate you steam ppls birthdays. haha.
if i'm not mistaken, the bday boys and girls are Yan Wei, Kean Por, Kenneth, Kevin, Edwina, Andria.....@_@
aiyahh if i've left you out by mistake, please do let me now ASAP ! thanks.. xD
bday boys and girls, be there yah? since it's for you... indirectly.. directly.. depends on how you see it. hehe.

GUYS please do let KEAN POR or KENNETH know if you're interested.
GIRLS please do let either EDWINA or JOLENE know if you're interested.

CONFIRM by the FIRST WEEK !

thanks a lot people ~ *winks
looking forward to seeing u all again.
Taaaaaz ~

Joleneee <3

dedicated to DENISE SONG.

2009-05-29T01:35:00.000-07:00

I've changed the skin of this blog because i got fed up with the complaints regarding it's font size.
So I have decided on something simple.
Blog like Blogger.
DENISE SONG ! This post is dedicated Just for YOU !
hope your eyeballs don't pop out.

Teachers day was 100% hilarious ! students and teachers dancing, singing, jumping about, SCREAMING ! it was one heck of a day. the school was divided into two groups ; red and green. there were numerous activities but really, it was worth all the student's time. and teacher's too, of course. xD
I've found out today that Lee Sa is weird. because she finds Ed and me weird. but we aren't you see, we're perfectly normal. normal happy-go-lucky people. but she finds us weird. so sad.. to think that my brother, Lee Sa has become weird. LOL. oh mi god. Lee Sa don't kill me. xDD !!

my name tag dropped into the drain and my hands were not small enough to get it. talk about .. ______ fill in the blank yourself.

I've got a thousand and one things to say and i really just can't shut up. so to spare you people's eye sight, i shall ciao first.
xD

Joleneee <3

BOP and D-grayman

2009-05-28T23:51:00.000-07:00

hmmm.. you know what? this random thought came into my mind during prefects' meeting. it started with what Pn Tan said... something about us prefects being different from the
other students. being the ones who stand out and stand for justice and
blahhdeeblahhblahh...something about us being a group of people who have one thing in common. a group of people that's recognised by the school.
and pop !

the black order came into my mind. cool people with classy uniforms tailor made to give out
the best look for their users. the authority the members of the black order are granted
once set foot into its realm. the companions who go through the challenges, obstacles, hell
of the society and grief in some way or another. the feeling of unity even though there are
miscommunications and misunderstandings causing mishappenings amongst them. the
members of the black order stand as one figure. friends... closer friends are from this
organisation. whatever that may seem alien in them to the eyes of their friends outside
the organisation, are definitely understood by the people of the same uniform as them.

i don't know where i'm heading with all this crappy thoughts BUT seriously... think about
it.. try to make the comparison. isn't the BOP something like the black order??? HAHA don't
laugh your arse off.. though it is a funny thought. we may not be as cool.. haha or given any
super natural innocence to give us super natural weapons to annihlate those pesky school
rule violaters. HARDEEHAAHAAAR BUT we do have the similarities of having a uniform
with freaking hot blazers that kill us monday mornings, a group of people wearing the
uniforms that carry out the same duties, a group of people with the one thing in common ;
prefectship. we are recognised by the school, like how the black order is recognised by the
world. i think. in some way. yah. =

i can just imagine .. the BOP in the uniforms of the black order. with cool weapons that
blow the brains out of the rule violaters. WAHAHAHAHA ! I could just see it all now........prefect : HEY YOU ! your SOCKS ! *BISHHH*[Dust]i'm a dangerous prefect on the loose. =D !!

old pic. sorry, can't find any new ones.

HAHA imagine us looking like thattt ! xDD

I really never knew

2009-05-23T09:10:00.000-07:00

i never knew that the one who made me would be the one to break me.
i never knew that the grass would be better off without its sun.
i never knew that loving him was never an option.
i never knew that it was never my decision to make.
i never knew that i was capable of being ignorant though, knowing the truth,
i never knew that it is supposed to be 'cleverer' and not 'more clever'
i never knew that a battallion of chickens could rule the earth.
i never knew that i do not know alot of things.
and i wish i never knew that i never knew i do not not know alot of things.

how sad.

inheritance of belief

2009-05-23T07:30:00.000-07:00

christianity isn't through inheritance.

i know this is very.. out of the blues BUT i just have to let it out.
i was at cellgroup last night and.. i was thinking...that yea, christianity isn't through inheritance.
it's all about the self encounter with God. no other.
it's all about the grace of the Lord and the mercy He has given to us.

now, it wouldn't make much sense if we were to be born into a christian family and say that we are christians. that would make us christians by name. not by faith. christianity is a choice.
a choice given to us to make for ourselves.

and
no one.

yes, no one makes that decision for us.
we make the choice on our own.
i have made a decision to be a christian.
i could choose to drift away from God and be a free thinker.
to choose to think that christianity is just ONE of THOSE religions.
to choose to think that there really isn't a God out there. goodness, evolution seems to be more logical, no?
hah. there IS a God out there. and i had an encounter with that God. THE God. The alpha and omega. The beginning and the end.it was.. undescribable. it was however, without doubt, an encounter of grace. it was and will always be real ; these encounters. until i see him face to face at the Gates of heaven.

i understand that, by grace we are chosen by god. god chose us. God gave us the freedom to choose whether to follow him or to deny him.
and if we choose him, he'll promises us ever lasting life. eternity. a forever.

and if we don't, he wouldn't force us. ofcourse he wouldn't. he wouldn't take a pitch fork and throw us down to hell. he's a God of love. full of mercy. he will always try to free us,free us from the grasps of evil. free us from the torment that would soon dawn upon us on judgement day either through the believers or through personal encounters like Saul. (ACTS 9) if he could, he would save evry single soul on earth. for he has created us in his image. he wouldn want anyone to perish, anyone to burn for eternity. but as much as he wants us to be saved, he respects us, men, and gives us the freedom of choice. that, is without doubt,the grace of god.

i'm sorry if i annoy you with this post. i'm sorry if i have ticked off some sort of self destruct button in your brain to burn me to ashes.but i really want those.. those 'christians' out there, to think about this decision that god has given them. im sorry, but i feel that being a christian by name.. doesn't mean much. there isn't much depth. it's somehow.. so superficial. i have been there and i have done that. and i did not like it at all.please.. christians out there.. make a choice. be a christian based on the honesty of the heart. not based on the reason of 'inheritance'.

please do not use me.. as some sort of reflection of Christ. not that i'm denying him but. i'm still a long way from becoming like him.very far away. but i'm still trying. i will not give up. never. it's difficult to be a christian but i know that evrytime i fall, evrytimei make a blunder.. he's there to pick me up. he tells me to go on. and God never fails. i KNOW he never fails. because that is whyi'm still here.. a christian who has made a decision not too long ago to be a christian by faith and not by name, blogging about Himin this lil blog of mine. = )

Lenalee !

2009-05-20T04:14:00.000-07:00

HMMM...

i think i've never blogged about my random hobby before.
to come to think of it, i have never breathed a word about it in any of my 100 dead blogs. o.O"

weird......

anyway, it's just something i do when i'm seriously in the mood to do it.
otherwise, i really couldn't be bothered. xD i think.

it's paper clay.

and my beloved project might turn out to be some sort of a disaster in your eyes, but to me, she's beautiful. HEE !

introduction : Lenalee from D-grayman. sitting down supposedly supposed to be emo. BUT i cant draw her face incase i retard my beautiful creation. xD

i'm craaazy about D.grayman ...i change from time to time, so pleaaase bear with my 'sampat'-ness. =D

tadaaaa ! she isn't coloured in these pics.

she is coloured in these pics. xDD

i know i know you must be like

'PFFFFT' the biggest joke of 2009. but heyy... it was hard work alright. ><

NEXT PROJECT!

............................

a long way from now. xD

realisation from within.

2009-05-20T04:11:00.000-07:00

FOR I AM ONLY HUMAN.

For I am only human,
It was never my choice
To crush a mountain or drain the sea,
I may not see the facts laid for me,
Being blinded by sight,
It was never the sort of pain I hoped,
Dearly hoped to overcome,
But the sort of pain I knew I couldn’t,
No matter how strong the determination,
Nor the encouragement,
And when God becomes the matter of question,
I understand,
Truly understand that
Prayers are meant to be answered
But not all,
And His time will never be of mine,
Leaving me, a human,
To make believe that mountains could be crushed
And seas could be drained,
No matter,
I am still a human,
Weak but made strong in He,
Who loves, cares, and understands,
But as the hands move from one point to another,
I see my treasures whether from sweat and pain
Hurt or shame,
Swept away,
As though to say
That they aren’t mine though they seem to be,
And I wonder why prayers,
Yes, prayers,
Are answered not to the benefits
Of the seen,
But to the unseen,
However, I am still human,
Having no choice but to be obedient,
Standing beneath the hands of He Who holds the earth.

I was ThinKing...

2009-05-15T01:21:00.000-07:00

i was thinking...
newspapers are depressing. i get very depressed whenever i read the newspapers.
it's either DEATH. MURDER. RAPE. and it goes on and on with all the monstrosity of humans. can't the world just live in PEACE?? like gawd.. isit really that difficult.. sometimes i wish i could tie all of them to bamboosticks and shoot them out to Mars with a sling shot.

AND i was thinking...
being a prefect is kinda... __________. i dont know what the word is so fill it up yourself. you see a girl going against the school rules riiiiiight infront of your face and all they do is.. smirk at you. hah. that puts a BIG FAT SMILE on my BIG FAT FACE. lol. really, is it thaaat difficult to abide by the school rules? and handphones... why handphones? why would you wana bring your handphones to school? and and... HAIR ! don't get me started. *sighs* being a prefect aint all that glorious after all aye?

hmmm i was seriously thinking...
exams are.. bad.
not just bad.
rotten bad.
not just rotten bad.
stinkin rotten bad bad.
haha yea, it's THAT bad.
i think i studied. yet, i think i didn't. i think i understood what i studied, yet i think i didn't. i think i knew how to answer those stupid darned questions, yet i seriously seriously think i didn't. hmmm.... o.O i dont think i know what im thinking....

i think i think i think....
and i think i have a blind spot symptom when it comes to studying. i can remember EVRYTHING and ANYTHING else about that certain topic YET i cannot remember ANYTHING about the one tiny incy wincey punieeee weenieeee lil part of that chapter. the part which comes out for EXAM !! and this happened to almost ALL my papers ~!! talk about frus beyond frus !

HAHA I FINALLY KNOW that....
i am OFFCIALLY scareeeeeeeed of ming yen. it has been 5 days since the five of us ed, ming, den, zhu and puiyee, have been waiting together for our parents after school. i think we were louder than those cars pressing their horns till horns pop out. @.@ i enjoyed the noise we made. it was .. a happy kind of noise. the sort of noise DRUNK PPL MAKE WHEN THEY ARE SERIOUSLY PISSED ! and it was only 2.05 in the afternoon. =DDD

joleneee !

The Passion. Was it NOT because of LoVe?

2009-05-04T00:15:00.000-07:00

the passion. was it not because of love?

what reason is there for another woman? is this woman not good enough? does she not
satisfy your needs? doesn she cook your meals, clean your house and care for YOUR
children? and if u say she doesn't deserve you. No, its more like you don't deserve her and
some snotty young ignorant woman does. that's what YOU DEFINITELY deserve. =[if you're a human, you would have brains, now, wouldn't you? but if you ditch the woman you
thought you loveD for some skimp who just so happens to be a passer by in your life, hah
GOD BLESS YOU, not only you got no brains, you aint got a heart as well. without a heart you'll die. OOOPS. hope hell isn't too hot for you. =D

AHEM

well woopiee dee doo ! while the wife goes through a serious disease or an illness like..
stroke? cancer? obesity??! guess what the inconcieted, indispicable pig headed husband
does.. he goes PARTYING and having a TIME OF HIS LIFE.. DRINKING.. DANCING..
WOMANIZING.. *womanizer womanizer oh you're a womanizer babehh* while the poor
wife suffers in the hospital. ARGH !

It's all about the beauty isn't it? you seem pretty complecent with your lil doughnut but
here comes along some fancy cupcake with so much icing, you could die from diabetes. now,
does beauty mean that much to a man? what's wrong being a doughnut? just to please the
man you gota suffocate your poor dough with all the chocolate from switzerland just to
look pretty??!! if beauty guarantees a husband's commitment, well, alot of people would be
having face lifts every 5 years wouldn't they? haha i suppose they would. =D from most
teenager's perspective, beauty makes u feel good about yourself. makes you feel confident
and high. makes you wanna scream your butt off saying that you're GLAMOUR material.
But to me. yes. me. If the BOY (not the man) were to treat me with the same love and
passion as he did in the beginning, no matter how haggard i am, no matter how pathetic,
sick, ugly or even a michael jackson look alike, i would DEFINItely feel good about myself.
beauty. hmmmph. FIDDLESTICKS ! haha not all beautiful, pretty faced ladies are happy ya know..? i bet their faces bring more trouble than a bank with no security.

*btw it's cause i know i'll never get NEAR GLAMOUR xD
whatever happened to that bond? to that 'i love you' on valentines day? whatever happened
to the word ' MY wife, MY love' ? the word MY shows a very strong sense of bond between
husband and wife. it shows that he or her is his or hers possession. think about it, this is
MY CAR. MY HOUSE. it belongs to you doesn't it? and you would naturally care for
something that belongs to you wouldn't you? so if you would care so much for a HOUSE or
a CAR, what more a HUMAN BEING who just so happens to be the WOMAN you
MARRIED??!

you must be thinking," This girl is insane for thinking that she knows alot about marriages
and commitments ! " well mind you whoever who's reading this, that it doesn't mean that a
17 year old girl wouldn't know the pain and hurt of those OLDER WOMEN who are or have
gone through this misfortune. who says that the law only allows 37 year old women and not
17 year old girls to understand and sympathise those incapacitated victims? isit against
the law? no it isn't. and just so you know, 6 year old kids would understand, maybe not
entirely but they will be able to sense the pain, the hurt and the tears of their mothers
who have been through this.

"who do you think you are, 6 year old girl? young and immatured! you have yet to know about
such things ! "

" but momma cwies herself to sleep ewry night. she doesn eat. she's losing too mwuch
weight. i think she's hurt because daddy doesn't wanna come home. he says momma doesn
understand and like you, he says i dont have to know why. i think daddy hurt momma. if not
she wouldn cwie so much"

it's a fact that we YOUNGER IMMATURED youths wouldn't know exactly how it feels.
we wouldn't know for sure the sort of anguish and agony. but we do know that whatever it
is.. it's painful. it goes without saying. any Tom, Dick or Harry would know that these
women and mothers are not justified. little kids would know. they aren't stupid. and that
doesn't exclude us 17 year old kids.

after marriage, it's no longer about the passionate love. it's all about the commitment in
the love. commitment is the utmost important rope that ties the two together. not many
men see that, unfortunately, leaving their wives hurt for their stupidity, shallow lust and
heartless love.

in this lil mind of mine,
Joleneee.

Being Told OFF

2009-05-02T00:04:00.000-07:00

hello dear people.
this is my blog number 100th.
and i seriously seriously hope it doesn't die like the others.
probability of it dying = 99/100
but whatever,

today i shall talk about : being told off

i was told off today. by who, i shall not say. but i was in the dumps for 'being told off'. i mean, come on ! who on planet earth likes to be told off huh? who would go.. " WOOHOOO i've been told off today! i'm so pleased and proud of myself !!" totally rubbish. if you are normal , you would be like me. if you aren't, then have fun being told off. = whatever it was about, that's not really for you to know but all I KNOW is that being told off is always for the better. really. it's like a slap in the face which wakes you up from your lil bubble. it's an action which changes you from the not-so-good-character to the almost-acceptable-character in society. ohmigod. i think im rambling about rubbish. but seriously, i thank God, i have been told off today. =D

ps: i'll give more details. after i've been told off the second time. xD

Joleneee.