JOLENE :D
that's my name. a kid. likes colours. loves plushies. Loves Jesus ! and making Ed smile. COOKIES ! ><
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where's the bliss ?
Monday, August 3, 20098:44 PM
i'm struggling with life. and spm isn't making it any easier for me.
alot has been happening for the past few weeks and everything seems to be a blur at the moment. i can't get my stuff done because i'm drastically distracted by the most out-of-the-blue event in my life. but who cares. been out for lunch with lawrence, steph and genia for the past weeks and i had a great discussion with lawrence about a few interesting topics. however, we came to the part what we want may be totally different from what God wants for us. so true and it goes without saying. i'm torn between life.. and life. and i have to choose one. although it seems as though i have the choice of both.. but no, only one and i think i've made my choice and i'm not sure if God's wrath is going to burn me to the pits of hell. uncle collin once told me 'if you were to be with him, a non-believer, it would be exactly like this. you are standing on top of a table and he is on the floor and you're holding each others hand. which one is easier, to pull him up the table or for him to pull you down from the table?' someone smack me in the face for thinking that i have such brute strength to do it on my own. but i'm taking my chances. i have to try to win one more for Jesus. i have to try. because no matter what. God's kingdom comes first. and oh another issue. i'm so sick and disgusted with myself. a hypocrite. i hate myself for that. i'm so sorry puiyee so sorry edwina. i'm so sorry God for being the biggest most stupidest stumbling block in my friends lives. and i do not know how to get things back to normal. i guess this situation is like a broken vase. it's glued back with all the sorries but the cracks are still there, still visible. and it can never be as perfect or as beautiful as before. i feel so rotten for being so careless. i'm sorry. i can't do recess revo. i dont fit to be a leader, to lead people into prayer to lead people into the word to lead people into anything... cause i myself, have disgraced God too much. too much. i'm sorry ming yen. forgive me cause.. i really can't. distressed, Joleneee <( ps: at times like this, i really wish he is a christian. adakah kamu pernah merasai perasaan dukacita dan sukacita pada masa yang sama? T_T |
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